Friday, October 21, 2011

The Top 10 Things That Bother Me About Facebook

(Someone challenged me to this today, so here it is):

1.)   The Games.  Look, it’s not that I don’t care about your need for a pig or a cow.  And it’s not that I don’t want to help stock your restaurant with food and furniture.  But I just can’t help you until I get my own life in order.  Also, I’m a vegan minimalist with multiple food allergies, so I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be your “go to” on this stuff anyway.  Incidentally, your online progress is now hidden from my newsfeed.

2.)  The Passive Aggressive Post.  When you say things like: “I hate it when men think it’s ok to promise to meet you at 6:00 and then don’t show up til 6:30 and hand you some lame excuse about having car trouble even though you KNOW they were with their ex!” a few things are happening for me:
a.    Even in the creative writing world, the run-on sentence is over;
b.    Since it’s pretty clear that you’re actually talking about your husband/boyfriend, I’m guessing that maybe he ditched you for his ex because she doesn’t air his dirty laundry on Facebook;
c.    The only thing that interests me less than the problems in my own relationships are the problems in other people’s;
d.     ALL CAPS and !!exclamation points!! in the same sentence are simply too much.  Like jewelry and make-up, choose one. Choose wisely.

3.)   I think we can all agree: the rolling ticker down the right hand side.  Period.

4.)  The text box in the lower right hand corner, with that little green dot that lets people know “Hey, I am actually here. I’m just ignoring you.”  I use Facebook to avoid engaging and to avoid having to admit that I am avoiding engaging.

5.)  The messages that “A friend has just answered a question” about me that then force me to give up all my personal information in order to see said question. And answer.  Neither of which actually exist.

6.)  As far as I know, Facebook is not planning on charging people money. But who among us doesn’t jump in on that monthly conversation?  I know I do. ::Guilty::

7.)  The Usurpers.  You know the ones. They start out talking to you on your page, but then end up talking to each other, on the post you started, ON your page, with so many inside jokes between them that you couldn’t participate even if you wanted to.

8.)  The Fake out.  You know this one too. The one that keeps posting things like “I’m taking a break from Facebook” and “I’m just not going to post anymore.”  The only person that annoys me more than this person is the people that beg him/her to stay.  Isn’t there enough emotional manipulation in the real world?!

9.)  Somewhat related to Number 8: the “I’m cleaning out my friends list, so let me know if you want to be my friend or I’m ditching you.”  I’m paraphrasing here of course, but you get the point.  Honestly, if I don’t make the cut, then I shouldn’t be asking to make the cut.  Because that would just make me seem desperate.  And if you want a desperate friend, then you’re not the kind of person I even want to be friends with.  Or something like that.

10.)               The addiction.  And I am pointing at myself as well.  I would much rather scroll down my computer screen at the end of a long day than call (or even email) so many truly meaningful people in my life.  The people I once had to make an effort with, once had to interact with through actual, physical contact.  I guess it’s the way of the world now, and we’re all living in it.  While I am grateful that Facebook has put me in touch with many people I had lost over the years, and many people I have met through other people, I often wonder if it has encouraged and rewarded my social laziness, even as it has brought the world into my living room and allowed me to live in it from the comfort of my own couch. 

1 comment:

  1. You have to actually post this on Facebook! I love it :-)


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