My first anti-pot crusade came at the beginning of the week, when I took to Facebook with an angry post about the California Grandma whose pot laced cookies almost killed her three year-old grandson. After the child’s family was unable to wake him following an unusually long night’s sleep, they began to suspect that the child “got into his grandmother’s stash of chocolate-chip pot cookies, tucked away in a garage refrigerator.” Grandma’s best defense was a cancer diagnosis and “a doctor’s recommendation for medical marijuana to treat her pain and help her sleep.” But as with all stoner responses, Grandma’s explanation left a few gaping holes for me. Like, exactly what kind of “doctor” recommended that this woman manage a terminal illness by obtaining an illegal substance? Did adding criminal charges to her list of obstacles seem like a useful antidote to fatigue and nausea? I mean, come on. Lots of people call themselves doctors these days, and a certificate of completion from the local Ganja Hut isn’t exactly going to hold up in court. And if all these “home study, magical tonic-selling” doctors were truly curing anything, I am sure the Associated Press would have put out an article or two about that by now.
I think what really amazes and horrifies me about this particular situation is this single, unchanging reality: kids are sweets-seeking missiles. They will sniff out --and immediately stuff into their mouths - absolutely anything that resembles a cake, a pastry, a piece of candy. Or a cookie. A chocolate chip cookie. The sweet of all sweets. And the fact that these particular cookies were “hidden” only increased the likelihood that this little boy would consume them. Because kids love a challenge. They love anything that seems forbidden. Or off-limits. Or designated for someone else. I often think if you prohibited kids from touching the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine you would come home to an immaculate carpet and neatly folded piles of freshly washed clothing every day of the week. Anyway, I digress. Though I encourage you to put my suspicion to the test – just for kicks - and let me know if it works. You can thank me later.
In this fat/calorie/carb/weight/size/measurement/pound-obsessed culture where we starve all day and binge all night and log endless hours on the treadmill or sink into days-long depression on the couch, where we make enemies of our mirrors, enemies of our bathroom scales, enemies of our own bodies … why in the hell are we throwing pot, the drug known to cause cravings and those oh so famous “munchies” into the most fattening trigger foods on Earth? On the one hand, I admire the entrepreneurial idea of saving time by providing the munchies-inducer and the munchie in a single item. On the other, aren’t cookies and cakes already hard enough to eat in moderation? Aren’t we just asking for trouble by filling them with the one addictive ingredient guaranteed to make us want more and more?
Anyway, this is where my point seems to end. Maybe I need to think about it longer. I know I won’t change my position on drugs of any kind. Ever. For any reason. I know I will always land hard on anyone who endangers a child – intentional or not, you don’t get to make avoidable, life-threatening mistakes with children and wipe them away with an apology. But maybe pot-filled foods are the wave of the future. I’m not just talking about the “pot brownies” that have been around since the 60’s, here. I’m talking about a whole new wave of trendy Food Network shows dedicated to the cause – A Ganja Thanksgiving feast, A Blow Bruch, A Roll Your Own Taco Joint party. Where will it end? And how will we explain to our children why it is that Grandma and Grandpa always moan “I love you, man” after a plateful of “happy pancakes,” or why great-aunt Mary’s potholders aren’t used to hold the pot full of potatoes on the stove? Or why, every time daddy goes to the local "burger joint" for dinner, he comes home hungrier than when he left?
Just some thoughts ...
What do you think?
Full link to the Granny article: http://www.delish.com/food/recalls-reviews/restaurant-selling-marijuana
Full link to the Farmer’s Daughter restaurant article: http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/03/12544508-grandmas-pot-cookies-land-california-toddler-in-hospital?lite