Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Mondays and Kevin Ware and April Snow

Today is my Monday, since I took the day off yesterday. While I love that I gave myself the thoughtful Easter gift of a lovely three-day weekend, coming back to work after even more Heathertime than usual is making for a rough transition. And it confirms what I know to be true: Monday is a mentality.

Perhaps the fact that my day started with the jarring image of Kevin Ware's leg injury was the set up for a crabbier-than-usual mood. My Monday morning mood, I call it. Now, I've never been an athlete or much of a sports fan for that matter (I used to joke that I was an athletic supporter but I got sick of the ::crickets:: reactions to that failed attempt at humor), but the footage of this guy's bone literally protruding through his skin for all the world to see is simply horrifying. Of course, for me, it speaks to the larger issue of glorified violence and of our human ability to completely detach from one another's pain, our willingness to market one another's vulnerability, in the interest of a little voyeuristic pleasure. And money.  I'm pretty sure that combination of things sent me reeling before I even left the house today.  If there's a silver lining, I guess it could be my improved awareness of how things like this impact me, so that, instead of stress eating my way through a package of low-salt, organic rice cakes by 10am (you have your binge foods, I'll have mine, thank you very much), I am able to sit back and take an honest look at what's happening around me, and then decide whether and how I want to spend my limited time and attention.  I'm so very sorry for Kevin Ware, and I wish him speedy healing and a full recovery. That said, I won't be watching the graphic replays or discussing the specifics of a situation that seems to exist for the sole purpose of increasing life's "eww" factor.

Speaking of injury and recovery, I am enjoying my cast-free life as my left foot continues to heal from the break it sustained almost six weeks ago.  Four weeks in a cast and walking boot was more than I ever wanted to experience as far as broken bones go, so hopefully I'm all caught up for life, now.  Still, since my orthopedist decided I did not need post-cast physical therapy, I am concerned about the ongoing stiffness that prevents me from flexing my damaged foot in certain directions and at certain angles. I struggle with things like this, because my inner hypochondriac is always on duty, while my logical inner parent only shows up intermittently. I'm pretty sure that less than six weeks after a break, stiffness is pretty normal and expected.  And I must be pretty sure, since I haven't yet started Googling things like "Abnormal foot alignment syndromes" and "Mid-line foot fracture: what's the worst that could happen?"  Sometimes I think hypochondria is my last remaining link to crazy, the thing I cling to because it is so familiar, so commonplace for me, and something that keeps me from ever getting too cocky and thinking "I'm so in control of my life it isn't funny."

I'm still trying to psych myself up for the new foods I agreed to try after last week's appointment with Laurie, the dietician. I committed to salmon, Greek yogurt (1 or 2 a day), legumes (think: kidney beans and chick peas), and whole grain crackers as snacks.  So far I'm batting zero on this one - It's been an oatmeal and pumpkin seeds kinda morning (I  blame the Kevin Ware mania for that, too.)  I guess I should get on this, complete with accompanying journal about what and how much I ate and how I felt after (I think this is mainly to make sure I'm doing what I need to do, and to see whether I have any allergic responses to any of the new foods I'm adding back in).  I do have issues with food journalling, though.  After decades of eating disorders, intentional food restricting, exercise addiction, weight loss and gain and maintenance, fat and carb and calorie counting, and always simply feeling "like a failure" no matter what or when or how much I ate, the thought of having to put food-related stuff on paper once again literally makes me yawn with exhaustion as I try to slink away from myself in another failed attempt to escape from my own body.  I know, I know - I could have it worse.  Many people do.  Not that I think it's helpful to tell a middle class, pretty privledged white chick who struggles in her own ways that there are children starving in Africa (not sure why no one ever talks about the homeless people starving right outside said white chick's office window - I assume real life sorta ruins the "glamour factor"). But perspective does aid in healing.  And sometimes, in the absence of feeling ok about my own life, it does help to practice compassion for others who suffer, and to explore gratitude for all that I do have, despite what I may lack.

I guess, for today, I'm simply happy not to be Kevin Ware.

Finally, I have decided to reframe the three inches of snow that fell last night.  Today is April 2nd.  We should not be waking up to snow.  We should not be shoveling and scraping and plowing anymore.  But instead of getting angry and annoyed and bummed out and convincing myself that winter plans to linger forever, like the uninvited, unwanted house guest it is rapidly becoming, I have decided that this latest snow dump was Mother Nature's April Fool's joke on the world.  Or at least on the Central New York area.  And all I can say to that is: Well played, Mother Nature.  Well played.  You win this round, but don't push me. I've been known not to recycle on occasion, and I've got several "plastic #2" bottles at home just dying to get out of that big blue bin and hop a ride to the landfill.

Happy Tuesday - 
Til next time,
~ Hasky


  1. Dad always called April snow the "poor man's fertilizer"...not sure why, must be a Northern NY expression/belief, but I thought of it this morning to put a smile on my face when I saw the snow and thought "WTF?!"

  2. I think that not seeing what is in front of us with regard to the homeless here as always been a pet peeve of mine - we send billions to help disadvantaged people all over the world and then scorn our own disadvantaged and needed right at home - not to mention the homeless and disabled vets we disrespect daily.


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