You shouldn't have to work to be happy. Or should you?

If you do nothing else for yourself today, commit to challenging - and getting out of the way of - those self-limiting stories of the past that you allow yourself to repeat and believe in.

Step 1: Figure out how theses stories are serving you even as they restrict you.  Because even when we engage in self-limiting (and in many cases self-destructive) behavior, we generally think there is something "in it" for us.  Something that is protecting us, comforting us, saving us from pain and sadness and illness and failure.

So, how do you identify one of these little (or big) self-saboteurs?  I've found that they tend to have a few common elements:

• They often begin with phrases like
• I always
• I never
• I can't
• I have to/I must
• I should/I shouldn't
• I need
• I won't
• I don't
• We often feel a sense of discomfort even as we are engaging in them, a sort of "I know I shouldn't eat this food" or "I always end up in self-destructive relationships."  Yet we pursue them anyway.  Because there is some thing that we believe we are getting from them.  Think about that. See if you can identify a few of these "faux rewards" and think about other, less self-limiting ways to achieve them (without what you have come to see as "just the price I pay for happiness.")

A few more tips and tricks:

Most of us have people in our lives who are willing - and often eager - to share their opinions about all the "unhealthy/destructive/incorrect" things we do, from our choice in careers and partners to where and how we live.  But think about the people in your life whose opinions you trust, who seem like sound, reasonable friends/family members, and (here's the catch) who don't routinely offer unsolicited opinions or advice, but who are generally willing to share their thoughts when asked (and who don't use the "You always/You never/You can't/You have to" phrases in the process.) Certainly don't act on their advice, no matter how well-intentioned, but listen to it.  Log it.  Refer to it often as you examine some of your choices and behaviors.  Don't have people like this in your life?  What about spiritual leaders, writers, historical figures whose lives appeal to you or whose words resonate deeply?  Read a passage or listen to a speech or interview, and really pay attention to the words and their meaning.  I actually enjoyed Gretchen Reuben's book The Happiness Project as a practical guide to self-evaluation and to a gradual, realistic pursuit of personal happiness.

Finally, sit down in a quiet place (ideally a beautiful room with a burning fireplace and soft music and unlimited time to think and write - but realistically a coffee shop, your car, a bathroom stall, wherever you can steal a few minutes with just yourself) and finish the following Happiness Statement

"I would be happiest if ______________________"

As you answer this, I strongly encourage you not to censor yourself.  You can answer this in one sentence or fifty + pages. Don't consider money, time, current or past obligations and schedules and lifestyle.  Yes, those are all considerations, but for now, to determine your happiness goal, just write.  And think.  And write some more.  In other words, don't limit.  Not just yet.  And remember, "Happiness" is not a goal we reach, but a never-ending journey we walk, twisting and turning, changing direction, speeding up and slowing down, not so much eager to arrive as we are content to remain on the path.

Care to share your sentence here?

Til next time,
~ Hasky

For more about happiness (and to help you write your own happiness statement):

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-s-broder-phd/giving-back_b_1959722.html?utm_hp_ref=happiness

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/09/gps-guide-alison-sudol-a-fine-frenzy_n_1948443.html?utm_hp_ref=happiness

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/15/happiness-longevity_n_1968158.html?utm_hp_ref=happiness

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/08/motivational-videos-deepak-chopra_n_1937164.html?utm_hp_ref=happiness#slide=1597136

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/23/marlo-thomas-mondays-with-marlo-where-does-happiness-come-from-from-gretchen-rubin_n_1825814.html?utm_hp_ref=happiness

Lightening Up On Language

I give full credit for this post to my fellow MFA candidates, also known as the Lesley MFA Posse, who just this morning introduced me to "YOLO," a term I have been hearing for awhile but never understood.  An anagram for the phrase You Only live Once, YOLO is, apparently, favored by the "younger generation" - a category I still try to believe I can sometimes squeeze into like a tight pair of pants that just barely make it past my hips, but eventually (and very uncomfortably) fit, nonetheless.  As long as I don't exhale.

Even so, at 38 years old, I have never been a very skillful textist.  I am that annoying contact in your address book whose texts are almost always typed in complete sentences, with proper punctuation and all words fully spelled out.  While I pride myself on this at times, I am forced to admit that what I see as my attention to grammar and an effort at clear communication completely defeats the purpose of texting altogether - that abbreviated check-in kind of function for which the text feature was originally intended.  Problem is, I text more than I talk on the phone, so I put a lot of pressure on this tiny little window of opportunity to convey every thought and sub-thought I have whether I am arranging to meet up with someone for coffee or having an in-depth political debate that requires me to send my well thought out thesis in five separate texts.

Over the years, the people I text most frequently have commented - sometimes through jokes, sometimes referring to their suddenly-much-higher cell phone bills - about the lengths of my texts -- or, more specifically, the lengths of the words therein.  As a result, I have worked to bottom-line my thoughts and ... shudder/gasp/horror ... use anagrams whenever possible.  My repertoire is pretty limited to the basics: LOL.  IDK.  ROFL.  OMG.  And every now and then, when I'm having a particularly intense reaction to something, an OMFG seems to fit the bill and a ROFLMAO almost expresses the level of hilarity involved.  Always the resource-seeking researcher, I have found various glossaries and lists of texting shortcuts to assist me, but who in the world (besides a teenager of course) can remember a list this extensive: http://www.boltop.com/private-message.htm ?  I have to write out "Oatmeal.  Bananas.  Broccoli." when I go to the grocery store or I will forget at least one of the three items that necessitated the trip in the first place.

But the issue doesn't stop at texting, per se -- it seems to extend to speaking.  Or, as it is more aptly called: Text speak.  I am going to call it talkxting as a rebellious way of  taking language back and making it my own, though I don't assume my idea will catch on.  Not many of them do.  But what has become way too popular is this tendency to SPEAK the letters "O.M.G." and "I.D.K."  So when my friends mentioned this YOLO situation, they weren't referring to it as a texted phrase, rather as something people (again, young people) actually say.  "YOLO," they utter any time an old person (read: anyone over 30) questions or disciplines them. Though I haven't even talked to many teenagers since I taught ninth-grade English over a decade ago, I still hear the phrase often, in stores and coffee shops, on streets, even at the gym.  It is nice to finally know what it means, in the same way it was nice to find out that BOGO stands for "Buy One, Get One" Free last year. Although I don't foresee myself becoming a YOLO user (though the BOGO concept is right up my alley, and probably a topic for another blog post altogether).

You see, as someone who is more closely alligned to the teachings of Buddhism than to any other religious or faith-based organizations, I actually believe that we live more than once.  Or that if we do only live once, we continue to take on various forms through infinity, based on each version of life we lived before the one we are living now.  But even as I write this here, I realize that this is not the kind of conversation a frequent user of YOLO is likely to stick around for.  In fact, I imagine I would probably get a "WTH?" response  - as I probably should - for analyzing anagrams on this level.

As I think about the concept of lightening up in its many forms, this is one area that does sadden me a little - this lightening up on words and their meanings, on grammar and punctuation and, well, literacy in general.  While texting has its place and can certainly cut down on cell phone bills and time spent reading nonessential, though perhaps perfectly crafted information, I worry that it has become so ubiquitous that younger generations - the YOLO set - are not going to use text speak for the same reasons my generation may, but because they really don't know how to spell what they are trying to say.  Or, in some cases, because they don't even know how to say what they are trying to say. 

And while the addition of an emoticon often seems a helpful indicator of tone,  :) = smile, :( = frown, and so on. I still shudder at the memory of a rare text to my mother in which I inadvertently called her a "HO," not realizing I hadn't hit shift when typing the : and the ) that I had originally intended.  That was not an enjoyable early morning conversation, as I attempted to explain to my extremely conservative sixty year-old mother that I was merely trying to insert a smiley face at the end of my long and winding text whose content I can't even remember.


So I guess my final plea is this - there are so many ways and places to lighten up in life.  Stay word heavy.  Use as many words as often as possible.  Jump into complete sentences and correct grammar and splash around.  Learn all the rules about how to communicate with these little gems - after all, where else in life can you find something that is physically weightless but packs a punch, is completely free but increases your earning power, is always available and on the tip of your tongue even when you struggle to find it? 

Starting today, I do hereby commit to being a more savvy and courteous texter.  I even vow to try to understand some of the phrases I am hearing "on the street" - though I will be more careful about where I seek clarification (I probably shouldn't have asked what "FML" meant while in the middle of a work meeting).  And in return, I urge you to word binge, using the most perfect phrases and the most accurate words you can find when the situation calls for - or allows for - real language.  And when texting or talkxting seems a more appropriate alternative, well then FFS, anagram away!!

TTYL,

~~Hasky