Angela
and I stood side by side at the crudités platter, a future writer of novels and a future writer about novels whose only connection was
our love of words and our citizenship.
Under ordinary circumstances, the fact that it was September 18th
wouldn’t have been all that significant.
But since it was 2001, I immediately recognized in Angela a kindred,
artificial composure as we attempted to navigate a world so removed from the
disarming vulnerability of the past week.
“Je m’appelle Heather,” I smiled, determined
to use four years of high school French for something other than dirty jokes
and impressive “Café au lait venti, s’il vous plait” Starbucks orders.
“Angela,” she replied. “Sorry, but I can’t do the French thing. My
high school only offered Spanish and Italian.”
“Well that’s a bummer. I was hoping to use my
French here. Maybe even polish it a bit. I knew this was an English speaking
school but I thought I’d be able to immerse myself …”
“You want cultural immersion? Then you have to eat this. Period.”
Angela balanced a soggy paper plate on the outstretched palm of her
right hand while she swept her left hand through the air with a Vanna White
flick of the wrist. “This stuff is Quebec,” she insisted as she raised
the plate to her nose and inhaled.
“What is it?” I asked.
“What is it,”
she echoed, as if I was still speaking French.
“Yeah. It just looks so … messy.”
“Wait. For
real? You’ve never seen Poutine?”
“No way! So that’s
Poutine!”
“Oh. My . God.
Poutine was invented in this
city in like, the 1950s or something.
And the “messy” part is how it actually got its name when some random guy
went into a restaurant and ordered French fries and cheese curds.” She stopped to pop a sauce-soaked lump into
her mouth. “Anyway, when the guy told the waiter to toss the fries and curds
into the same bag, the waiter responded in French with something like ‘That's going to make a damn mess.’ Have you seriously never heard this
story?"
“Ca va faire une maudite poutine!” I
exclaimed.
“Huh?”
“’ Poutine’ is
French for ‘mess.’ I explained. And “Ca va faire une maudite poutine” actually
means ‘That's going to make a damn mess.’ I’ve heard the phrase before, I just
didn’t realize it had anything to do with how this stuff got its name.”
“Whatever,”
Angela shrugged, shoving her plate toward me.
“This stuff is artery-clogging
and messy and wonderful all at the
same time. Come on.”
“I don’t know …”
I hesitated. Even though I finally felt
like I was in recovery from the anorexia and bulimia that had dominated the
past fifteen years of my life, I hadn’t planned on introducing normal food to
my repertoire so soon. I also knew that my years of fat-free, sugar-free,
low-carb veganism had produced the bland palate and fragile digestive system
that required a rigid dietary schedule of carefully portioned organic foods.
Yet even though I was nervous about exchanging the familiar strawberries and
apple slices and baby carrots lining the perimeter of the buffet table for even
a single bite of the extravagance heaped on Angela’s plate, I was dying to
taste the freedom she held out to me.
As I stood
thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen if I slid a forkful
of foreign flavors into my mouth, I realized that the worst had already
happened. At almost thirty years of age,
I had walked away from my marriage, enrolled in graduate school, and taken out
more education loans than I could ever hope to repay with a Master’s degree in
English. Worse still, after spending six
hours at the Canadian/American border the day before with nothing but a student
Visa and a class schedule to legitimize me, I had managed to convince the border
patrol that I had no weapons, no drugs, and no connections to the terrorists
who had just blown my country apart. Eventually, with sufficient hesitation and
no eye contact, a heavily armed guard in a bullet-proof vest had ushered me
into Canada with a wave of his black leather glove. And I had simply driven forward while my
country receded in the rearview mirror, along with my chances of ever going
back.
“Ok,” I said,
nodding at Angela’s plate as if I hadn’t lapsed into another of the flashbacks
that had haunted me all week. “Just a taste, though. I’m not used to this kind of stuff.”
“And what kind of
stuff would that be? Fabulous food? Cultural treasures?
Once-in-a-lifetime experiences?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then, this’ll
make you grow as a person in more ways than one,” she laughed, smacking her
thick thighs. I echoed her laugh as I looked down at the greasy film clinging
to the French fry tips, their thin bodies buried under the mahogany sauce
pooling in the plate’s scalloped edges.
Certainly, I knew enough about Poutine to know that the standard
3-ingredient Velouté sauce of chicken stock, flour, and butter – what we call “gravy”
in America – was the essential ingredient.
But Angela explained that the sauce was also Poutine’s most
distinguishing feature, since replacing Velouté with Marinara turned a basic
Poutine into Poutine Itallienne, while
adding ground beef and fried onions to Velouté elevated regular old
Poutine to Poutine Bourgennione.
“But this…” she began, pausing to watch me pluck a fry and pinch its
ends together so I could cradle the sauce as I brought it to my lips, “… this is Poutine Mole.”
“Meaning?” I asked, as I tilted
my head back and filled my mouth with the answer to my own question.
Chocolate! For a moment, everything I hungered for went silent.
As surprised as I was to find my
favorite flavor nestled among all the warm, spicy softness suddenly sliding
down my throat, I was even more surprised by the concealed cheese curd I had
unknowingly scooped with the sauce. Its wonderfully firm sweetness was the perfect
complement to the prism of flavors settling on my tongue, one at a time – Garlic. Almonds. Cinnamon.
Onions. Corn – each one tucked deep inside the essence of the smoked
peppers and chocolate. I closed my eyes
and held the moment behind my teeth until the last residual snap of cinnamon
finally started to fade.
“ I like the Mole version best because
it’s the closest I’m ever gonna get to Spanish food around here,” Angela
explained.
“A Quebec food with a Spanish
twist,” I chuckled.
“Exactly. We both win. It has a little Spanish for me, a
little French for you, and a little chocolate for … well, for us. For America.”
America.
I wondered what my family and
friends were doing back home while I stood on a college campus in the middle of
Montreal violating my own dietary rules. I knew they were all glued to CNN,
watching instant replays and hoping for the terror alert to drop to
orange. I knew they were talking about
the fear, the destruction, the proof that there really was no safe place. The only thing I didn’t know, the only thing
I wanted to know, was who those pilots were. I wondered what they were thinking
a week ago as they flew into our Towers.
I wondered if they were thinking about their families. Or our families. I wondered if they were thinking about pain,
or dying, or whether there was an afterlife.
I wondered if I was giving them too much credit for thinking about
anything. Perhaps all they were
thinking, as they aimed their planes at the 93rd floor of a foreign building in
a foreign land, was “Ca va faire une maudite poutine.”