tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-239141021161559137.post1870032037649693933..comments2014-07-12T16:29:31.464-07:00Comments on Lighten Up: Santa isn't coming this year!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558573343651053721noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-239141021161559137.post-42379168196255589392012-01-07T14:41:06.260-08:002012-01-07T14:41:06.260-08:00Ok, you made me cry. Since I am a non-parent I can...Ok, you made me cry. Since I am a non-parent I can identify with this. However, since I've become a stepparent and subsequently a (step) Grandmother. I somewhat get the whole parent thing. There's been two times in the last six and a half years, that I've been with Tom, that I've lost it directly at his kids. I don't know much I talked about what was going on around my Stepdaughter's wedding in 2009. She made some serious and false accusations. As a result I called her and left a very long angry rambling message on her voice mail about my own father, how she was wrong, etc. So I guess you could say I've been there.Wendy McLaughlinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07858374494708781220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-239141021161559137.post-68204641506614311992011-12-13T06:42:18.407-08:002011-12-13T06:42:18.407-08:00Eileen - Thank you for such kind words. I am hon...Eileen - Thank you for such kind words. I am honored simply to READ Dickens and finally feel like I can begin to understand and appreciate his genuis after all these years of trying. So to be coupled with him in a sentence is humbling. <br /><br />I always thought I had to explore deep, cryptic concepts in order to write. But I'm finding that my thoughts, bare and unedited (aside from a few typos here and there) are the way to go. And the interesting thing about this situaiton is that it has really stayed with me all year - and I find myself thinking about it, and about that woman/mother even now. I wonder where she is. Whether her children have mellowed a bit with age, as children often do. Whether she is having a better shopping experience this year than last. And most of all, whether she is happy and content, and surrounded by people who show her kindness and compassion rather than judgement and criticism. <br /><br />I wish I knew who she was, actually. I would like to thank her for giving me the necessary gift of self-assessment and introspection.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14558573343651053721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-239141021161559137.post-29624026492640955562011-12-13T06:34:50.157-08:002011-12-13T06:34:50.157-08:00Carolee - You are so right ... on every count!
...Carolee - You are so right ... on every count! <br /><br />I am so sorry that you have gone through all this. I get the whole concept of things "making us stronger" but it's a whole lot nicer (and preferable, I think!) to gain strength through happiness and contentment rather than have life uproot itself and leave us with no choice but to rebuild. You are so incredibly strong, and, as a mother of three, it amazes me how much you have to hold things together for your boys, and how well you do it. I am constantly in awe of parents, of not only their ability to put their children first, but of their ability to live up to the societal expectation that they will actually ENJOY never coming first, never having a bad day, never having an angry outburst. I mention in my post that children are "human, after all" but I think we forget to give parents the same permission to be and feel and act like human beings.<br /><br />I really heard your comments about the inequity of mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, especially in divorce. The expectations remain, the gender stereotypes prevail. And for all I know, this mother about whom I wrote, this woman who I came to sympathize with rather than judge in Panera that day - she could very well have been a single mother with few resources, trying like hell to give her children a Christmas that would make them happy. Trying to shop and wrap and be a little merry, to give them something festive and make a positive memory. Or ... she could have just been a married mother of two having a rough day with two fussy kids. I guess I've learned to never assume, to never think I know what's happening for someone, to never judge another based on my own life, because I have no idea where that person is coming from, where she/he has been, and what impact my judgement (or my compassion) could have on their day.<br /><br />I hope you have a great Christmas and surround yourself with the people who love and value and celebrate what a wonderful person and mother you truly are!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14558573343651053721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-239141021161559137.post-6127133908672551412011-12-12T16:55:05.595-08:002011-12-12T16:55:05.595-08:00Now THIS gave me goose bumps. Your ability to see...Now THIS gave me goose bumps. Your ability to see things as they are happening has always impressed me. This I believe is what makes great writers. I am so impressed by you and your ability to truly and geniunely observe the human condition, much like my favorite aurhor Charles Dickens. I truly believe that one day you WILL be known as one of the great writers of our time. I am blessed to know you.Eileenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06961992002936442863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-239141021161559137.post-12613339081450246102011-12-12T16:32:28.522-08:002011-12-12T16:32:28.522-08:00heather, you're a wonderful writer. and i love...heather, you're a wonderful writer. and i love the topics you write about. i'm going to tell my friend deb about your blog. she's not a mom, either, and she writes sometimes about it. i think she'd enjoy seeing your take on these situations. <br /><br />i've been defeated like that mother. i've had to pull the car over and sob and sob and call my husband to come take the kids from me. it's overwhelming. in my case, none of my family is near, and when the kids were tiny, it was so isolating. i definitely have the support now that they're older to call a friend and say "help!" but there are years of tough-going for lots of us. we're a presumably civilized society, but we really don't give mothers the support and assistance and community they need.<br /><br />of course, that's true for women no matter what family choices they make. i could say it now about being single -- how there isn't enough community rallying around me to get me to the next step, though they're rallying around my ex, for certain, trying to get him laid, making sure he gets drunk & decompresses, etc.<br /><br />i think what happens in the situation you describe is that people don't know what to do so they do nothing. bless the person who came to help clean up and bless those like you who can be honest about their initial reactions (i have them too, sadly, even though i've been there) and then be generous with your reflections.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com